Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
