i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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