the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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