The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
