Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The air was thick with penises
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
