You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
