so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
