sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
