I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
