you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
