I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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