dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
