Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize