But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
