I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
