Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
