we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
