My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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