I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
