Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
