The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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