I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
