i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
