nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
