burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
