Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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