Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
