hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
