I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
