I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
