You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
