u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
