Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
