would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
