He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
