I wish I could punch you in the face.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
