i need an iv and a liver transplant
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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