sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
