Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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