Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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