You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
