im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
