Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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