It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
