I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Come on in and take your pants off
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