I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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