Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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