he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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