Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You ruined the universe
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
