i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize