I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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