I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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