Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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