Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize