I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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