explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
