Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
