before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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