your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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