Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
