I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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