How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
