is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
