im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize