Im at strip club and am horny
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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