i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
