so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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