Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
