I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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