i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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