Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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