Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
