I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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