your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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