Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
