Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
