i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize