I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
