I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
