she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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