Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
