Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet he comes in French.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
