Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize