I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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