I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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