you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
