Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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