Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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