I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
