My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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