Don't you send me to vm
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
