pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How naked do you want me to be?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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