Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
