You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
