they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
