He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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