I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
