Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
