I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
