I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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