that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
