I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
